The Color in Me

So tonight I learned that it's really possible for us to have different way to see ourselves from how other people's way. How I see myself is different with how other people sees me.

I was in the middle of choosing color for my laptop case when I asked my boyfriend, what colors that comes in his mind when he thinks about me? I said to him that he can mention more than one color--I wanted to pick the color that suits my persona haha.

He said I am light blue, white, and brown. No particular reason. Those are his 'top-of-mind' of colors that suits me. Then he asked me the same question.

What's interesting is that I myself didn't see me in those colors all this time. When I try to project myself into colors, I'd like to say that I am lylac, light brown, and idk maybe baby pink?

The answers can be varied in every one because we never really show one particular personality to many people. The 'me' that my mom knows is different with the 'me' that my boyfriend familiar with. And I have so many versions for my office mate, school mate, those bank clerk, and the other.

And of course this isn't about being true to yourself or to other people, or to fake yourself, or being 'staged'. Nah. I believe that how a person behave towards other person is built up from many factors. It can be from how they met, what intention they had, how long they've known each other, and the list goes on. The combination of those factors creates potion of what 'color' they see in you.

As I said in my CV, I believe that "there's always good lesson in every human interaction".

p.s. My answer for him are aqua blue (kinda tosca), butter yellow, and broken white.

Now The Rug is Lifted

Aku butuh advice sejujurnya..... (or nah?)

Aku butuh listener sejujurnya mungkin ya, lalu lihat nanti apakah aku butuh advice.

Ini dimulai dari how chill I am knowing the fact that aku masuk usia yang semakin matang (hahaha). Nope, lebih tepatnya aku agak 'panik' knowing that I've always been too 'chill' in managing myself. Lalu di sisi lain banyak orang yang sayang aku, yang lebih concern terhadap how my life will be going. Don't get me wrong, ini bukan sindiran at all dan aku bener-bener tersanjung karena banyak yang peduli sama aku.

Begadang Karena Taylor Swift

Source: deviantart bobascher

Seingatku, kopi di kafe Zuhs tadi siang ngga strong-strong amat, lebih strong kopi di 105 atau Pungu, tapi here I am, 1:30 AM in the morning and widely awake. Okay, but if there's somebody to blame, let's blame Taylor Swift's latest release 'All Too Well 10-minutes Version'. Yes, she's definitely the craziest queen of all time.... ANYWAYS,

This is What Happens when You Don't Live with Your Dad All Your Life, and You Fell in Love

First it makes you happy,

that tingling feeling inside your tummy,

but strange.

It's just strange that,

somehow, a man believed in you.

Then you believe too,

that he was the puzzle piece,

that fits all of it.

But strangely, it's not.

That deep hollow isn't fulfilled.

The thoughts of being cared,

being protected,

are just comforting.

But deep down you know,

that someday somehow, it won't last.

You love him,

you want to spend the rest of your life,

only with him.

But you are okay too in your solitude.

You love him but, you love yourself more.

26

Hari ini aku ulang tahun, dan aku rasanya masih nggak siap, untuk menyadari bahwa aku lebih dekat ke usia 30 daripada 20. Udah 26 tahun aja cuy... Wkwk inget dulu SMA dengan clueless-nya mikir pengen nikah umur 23. Little did I know 23 tahun aku ngga ada siap-siapnya.

Mau cerita aja soal apa yang ada di pikiranku akhir-akhir ini. Dulu pas masa sekolah, pas masih tinggal sama mamah, tentu everything seems fine and all, and it's the normal state. To be fine is the normal one. And you know what we do to the normal thing? We take that for granted--always. Tempat tinggal selalu ada, makanan tersedia di meja, uang sekolah selalu beres.